How do you distinguish between someone fake feeling it or not?
A big thing a lot of people don’t actually think about is real connections from a person to person. How can someone tell that you are genuinely in love with something or an idea but people may not take you seriously? What if you subconsciously acted "UN real"?
The idea of being genuine to yourself comes into mind a lot for me, and i’m sure it’s something we can all use to our advantage to be taken seriously, be understood or maybe just appreciated for who we actually are.
Now there are 3 stages to this:
- Your pre-action thought process
- Your action thought process
- The reaction process of the person you are communicating to.
This is a simple rule that must be clear before we get started, said by a good friend of mine over coffee:
“If they feel it you feel it, it’s a 6th sense”.
1- The pre action thought process:
Humans have this remarkable intuitive sense for understanding other humans because without having access to other minds were dumb. In the capacity of humanity, this can help our whole approach to conceptualize all that we use to relate and connect with others. Both conscious and subconscious ideas and feelings to make a motif within yourself.
Take this scenario for example:
You are talking to someone. They are talking about this symphony that they absolutely supposedly “love”, you don’t seem to believe them and you go back to your friend and tell them that they were showing off the fact that they apparently “listen” to classical music and are trying to make you believe they liked it.
Let’s go through the stages of hearing this information then telling your friend your attempt at the truth…
First: The person you were first talking to:
There are always two sides to every scenario, everyone has their own thought process and everyone acts a certain way based on those thought processes. Now, they just came up to you telling you that they loved a symphony. They were in a state of happiness and passion for the excitement they have received from the idea of that symphony. It gave them joy and they wished to share that feeling and information with you.
You took certain social cues and made your own assumption on their passion.
Genuine passion can be analysed in different ways:
Your initial reaction with them
You current state before speaking to them
Their thought process before talking to you
If you are in a state of discomfort, sadness, or despair you will tend to only notice negative things. Just like if you were babysitting and you were tired and annoyed at something you’ll most likely react to the kid in an aggressive way all because they asked you to play a game.
We are so quick to assume things are somehow connected to our current mental state. If you are upset, you notice the sad parts of a song, if you are happy you notice someone is funny more than if you were upset (you can react both ways just one more than the other).
Now before you even listen to someone’s story, you are in a state of being. A certain emotional state that will determine how you see, hear and feel for people talking to you from then on, then you’ll have a different sense of self once you talked to the first person, and the next etc etc etc. Essentially every person you talk to influences your state of being for the next interaction coming forward.
2- Your action thought process:
So now we understand the process of your current state and the state of the person talking to you (because it’s the same process for both sides). So now when they talk to you they are having ideas and things shoot into their mind as they speak. Some completely unrelated and a lot of them related, some about your reaction process, some of how they look physically talking to you and some on the environment around you. It takes little effort for these to actually come to your head because the brain is constantly firing so it comes as second nature, you just usually think to yourself “wow i’m thinking a lot”... and sometimes you don't even notice this state happening.
Referring things to other things are what humans do in their sleep! We can constantly compare your beauty compared to the beauty of someone else, this stereotype over that stereotype and this person’s passion over that person’s passion. When someone is telling you about their love for that symphony, 2 things are happening.
1- You are comparing that person’s passion to something, whether it is your passion for it, a virtuoso’s passion for it or the general norm for the word “passion” in society at the current day and time.
2- You are using the subconscious database that you have created in your initial reaction to make an assumption as to how passionate you think this person really is (if they are genuine or not).
So let’s start with the first one:
Stereotypes are essentially an opinion and idea that has been drilled into our brain to react and think of someone, a culture or something in a certain way. For example the statement:
Jamaicans have thick accents
Not all Jamaicans have an accent but because most do, we somehow BELIEVE that all of them do. It's the majority over minority theory. If a group of people stand up for a standing ovation, everyone else will follow. That’s another version of the theory, if one person initiates something, people who don’t have a sense of leadership will follow and sooner or later everyone is doing that thing (that’s a big way society grows and how norms come to be)
So. When we have these stereotypes (depending on your childhood), the way you were talked to; the way you thought as a kid compared to now, you WILL subconsciously say and do things that your loved ones or friends did or said to you growing up because for the MAJORITY of your life you were told or saw those things so your mind has taken that and made it the norm. Specifically your norm.
Now society creates norms right? Norms are things that are a reflex or things that the majority of a group of people do or think towards something. Everyone knows that if you slap someone for no reason you will be categorized as an “ass hole”. We spend so much time worrying about this idea of being “labelled” that we always forget what our purpose of that thought is. It’s all in your reflex. Which is a visual and mental representation of your state and your idea on yourself.
Now i say all this because norms, stereotypes, and who you grow up with are what change how you say or express yourself within something, and that’s the idea behind the second section.
3- You reaction process of the person you are talking to.
So now we know this:
We know that before someone says something their state and view on themself make them think and say certain things
We know how you grew up and things that were told to you created norms that are now second nature to you
We know that when saying something you brain is firing extra ideas in relation to your view on yourself
And we know that YOUR state of being will determine your view on the person speaking to you.
So since your current state changes how you react or helps you notice certain things in someone, this is what will make you think someone is showing off or not.
As we know, your initial reaction to meeting someone for the first time will determine how you notice or what “little things” you notice in them from that moment on and it’ll not change unless they do something completely out of the blue to change that, and even then you will still have that engraved idea of them in your mind.
Here are things that WILL change whether you think someone is “fake”:
Your initial thought engraved in your mind of them
Their physical state in front of you
The word choice and facial expressions used in correlation to the ideas portrayed.
Let’s go one step at a time:
We discussed the initial thought of someone and how it changes how you engage with someone, that’s clear now. Their physical state can change the game.
Think of someone you have a crush on. You talk to them differently than someone whose opinion you don’t care for or dont think about on a regular basis. When you talk to this said crush, you will do things without noticing.
- Blushing is a big one: that is a sign of arousal, you can’t control your hormones it’ll just happen.
- Twiddling of your thumbs, this is insecurity. If you aren’t confident in your state and in your thought process on yourself you will act a certain way without noticing it and they will notice.
This is all goes back to my favorite saying:
“You can’t know what someone is thinking, but you can make an assumption based on the actions they portray in front of you”.
Or like Dan said above:
“If they feel it, you feel it” (In this case, you notice it).
If someone is shy around you, their inner thought and feeling process will be portrayed in some shape or form physically with or without their doing. If you blush you can’t control that for example. The words you use, (although we don't go out of our way to think about this) changes how one connects or notices in you. Facial expressions have a close to direct correlation with the words your brain decides to use to explain or show case an idea. If you are shy you can use “ifs and buts and ummms”, a confident person doesn’t care about the thought process of another person because they have led themselves to believe that everything they say is the right thing, or they’re just plain old selfish.
This all goes back to the same concept:
Trying to understand if someone is fake or genuine. Quite frankly with all that said, we haven't even touched the surface. Here’s another question to think about for next time.
Is all this just the brain’s way of a placebo effect? Or is it genuine?
What is Genuine?
See you next time!